Les Mis Commercials
by Histoire de le Coeur
Summary: In which some of your favorite and well-known commercials are Mizzified. Rated T for the inevitable bit of Marius-bashing.
1. Marius' Phone

**Disclaimer: I don't own Les Miz and I certainly don't own the AT&T commercials that this is based off of. I'm sorry if this isn't so funny, but I have other ideas and if you have any please do share.**

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_[MARIUS and EPONINE are in the background. EPONINE is chatting perkily, while MARIUS sits awkwardly, with an uncomfortable expression on his face. MARIUS'S PHONE is in front of them, speaking to camera.]_

MARIUS'S PHONE: Beeeeeeep! Hey, this is Marius's phone. Marius can't come to the phone right now because he doesn't have AT&T. He's just hanging out in the Gorbeau House, pretending to pity the _[makes quotation marks with fingers]_ "poor Jondrette girl", while she tells him how hungry and cold she is today. Oh and you should hear her laugh

_[at that moment, EPONINE laughs though it sounds more like a cross between a witch cackling and a crow cawing. MARIUS flinches.]. _

So, by all means, yes, keep calling Ursula to tell him that you live on the Rue Plumet now, and that you'd _[assumes girly voice]_ absolutely _love [drops girly voice] _for him to stalk you again. We'll just have to make due with your handkercheif. I guess we'll just stay here and pray for a fire, or a police intervention, or...even for Courfeyrac to stop by.

_[sarcastically]_ What could be greater?

_[sighs and looks back at MARIUS and EPONINE, where EPONINE is now almost on top of MARIUS, but he keeps just pushing her away. MARIUS'S PHONE walks offscreen, humming 'Bring Him Home']_

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**Sorry I know it was short.**


	2. Fantine's Phone

**Disclaimer: I don't own Les Miz and I certainly don't own the AT&T commercials that this is based off of. I'm sorry if this isn't so funny, but I have other ideas and if you have any please do share.**

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_[FANTINE is in the background, dressed in her prostitute attire. She is standing in a line of whores, waiting for someone to pick her up. Everyone seems to be going for everyone but her. FANTINE'S PHONE is up front speaking to camera.]_

FANTINE'S PHONE: Beeeeep! Hello, this is Fantine's Phone. Fantine can't come to the phone right now because she doesn't have AT&T, which means,

_[gestures to background where BAMATABOIS has now entered]_

no bars here, where it's Valentine's Day everyday...Every...Day. So yes, please do keep calling, my little Cosette. Call to tell me that the Thenardiers are pure evil and that they violate child labor laws. Warn me that all the money I send to help you is really being used to pay off their debts and buy clothes for their children.

_[BAMATABOIS has started eyeing FANTINE]_

I'm just going to stay here and continue to work...

OFFSTAGE VOICE: _[laughs incredulously]_

FANTINE'S PHONE: _[defensively]_ Yes, it's work!...Anyway, I'll just keep working like a dog for that money.

_[BAMATABOIS starts to physically harass FANTINE. FANTINE slaps him away. BAMATABOIS, angry, throws snow down her dress. FANTINE, utterly pissed now, tackles him to the ground. FANTINE'S PHONE turns around and starts rooting for FANTINE.]_

FANTINE'S PHONE: Yeah! Kick 'em again! C'mon!..._[flinches]_ Ouch, that's got to hurt....

_[JAVERT enters and prostitutes scatter with sailors. FANTINE and BAMATABOIS are left on the ground.]_

Oh dear...._[to camera_, _motioning for us to follow her away]_Let's go before this turns to shame, 'kay?

_[We follow her off to the side, but not before catching a glance of the background scene. VALJEAN is intervening. To get us to follow her, FANTINE'S PHONE sings coaxingly]_

Come with me... _[still to the same tune] _Oh, I forget the lyrics...da da duh da duh duh duh duh daaaa da duh da duh duh......

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**Sorry I know I already wrote for the AT&T commercials, but I just had to do this one! It was calling to me. Pray, forgive me!**


	3. Revolutionary Insurance

**Disclaimer: I don't own Les Miz and I certainly don't own the Geico commercial that this is based off of. I'm sorry if this isn't so funny, but I have other ideas and if you have any please do share.**

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_[LES AMIS are all sitting around a table, heads bent down, in the back room of the Cafe. No one is talking. Suddenly, ENJOLRAS jumps up triumphantly waving his fist in the air.]_

ENJOLRAS: Aha! By the Republic, I've..._[everyone looks up and stares. ENJOLRAS sighs.] _Fine..._we've_ got it.

JEHAN: Yippee!

COURFEYRAC: _[please note, a tad stepford-ly]_That was actually _[cracks knuckles]_ pretty simple.

FEUILLY: _[also a tad stepford-ly]_ Wow! We saved barricades of money!

COMBEFERRE: See? Now aren't you glad we chose Geico?

LES AMIS: Yeah!

GRANTAIRE: _[in corner, with trusty absinthe bottle in hand]_Geico, so easy a band of illicit French revolutionaries, without a prayer, can do it.

_[Scene of LES AMIS freezes, but GRANTAIRE moves on to another scene which remains slightly blurry]_

So easy, a foppish dandy could do it.

_[Scene clears to reveal MARIUS at his desk, with a bunch of papers in his hand.]_

MARIUS: _[frustrated]_ Ugh! _[slams head on desk. Muffled] _Cosette!

GRANTAIRE: Oh, uh maybe not _this_ foppish dandy...

_[Scene changes to MONTPARNASSE sitting in shadows beside the Seine also holding a bunch of papers]_

MONTPARNASSE: Ha, ha! Yes, I've got it! And it didn't involve anything illegal! _[realizes what he just said]_ Oh no! _[looks to Seine, runs over and dunks his head in **only**]_ Must! _[dunk]_ Not! _[dunk]_ Be! _[dunk]_ Law! _[dunk]_ Abiding! _[dunk. Especially loud] _Citizen!! _[breathing heavily, sees a figure off in distance]_ You there! _[runs off to figure, focus back on GRANTAIRE]_

GRANTAIRE: Geico, so easy a band of French revolutionaries and _one_ foppish dandy

_[we see the MONTPARNASSE figure fall under the other figure....who shall remain nameless because you should have figured it out, unless you haven't finished the Book]_

can do it. [_points with absinthe bottle into camera]_ Call now. _[chugs rest of absinthe bottle and collapses.]_

MONTPARASSE: _[weakly]_ Help?

_[Fade out]_

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**Hehe, well I warned you there would be Marius-bashing. And this is only Ch. 3! O.o Review please please please with whipped cream and Enjy on top! ;)**


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